Feast (2005)

Directed by: John Gulager (yes, who?)
Starring: Balthazar Getty and a bunch of others

Short Review: Totally Goresome! 8/1o

Longer Review:

It starts with a crash.....and moves swiftly to a remote Arizonan bar. This is where the scene is set - each character is introduced one by one with a fun little fact sheet: Name, Skill, Life Expectancy. You're basically getting a bunch of stereotypes and due to them being largely a bunch of no names, you know that when the eventual bloodletting starts, you have no idea what order they're going to perish in. There are no numbers painted on these foreheads - "He'll be first, she'll be second.....she's definitely going to survive".

And what, Jason Mewes & Henry Rollins! YES!

So, we've been introduced and all the while there are cut scenes to something approaching quickly. When it does arrived, it's a bloodied man...Fact Card pops up....HERO! But that doesn't last long - his last words are "I'm the guy that's going to save your ass" before people pulled out of the window and having his head bitten off.....splat. Then a woman turns up....Fact Card - HEROINE! The late hero's wife...

That's when all hell basically starts to break loose - something gets in the bar and starts causing all kicks of gory chaos - and Jason Mewes has his fucking face ripped off! One minute he's with face, next minute he's all "Face/Off" - and that's the end of him! Two minutes later, and we're watching the one person you thought would survive gvetting chomped - the kid! They broke the rule in spectacular fashion.....and then the monster vomits up over one of the survivors of the recent carnage - a horrible maggoty green pea soup puke.

And so it goes on with various inventive deaths and set pieces all the while trying to get the hell out of there - all the while providing plenty of laughs:

1. Rollins' motivation speeches
2. Monster sex!
3. Graphic eyeball extraction.....complete with stringy nerve
4. Rollins having his pants pulled off through the wall
5. Monster cock getting trapped in a door
6. Rollins used as a fucking battering ram by the monsters!!!

This is a film that loves blood and humour, clearly in the spirit of the likes of Brian Yuzna and Peter Jackson. It never takes itself seriously, which makes for great viewing - you can watch it with a big dumb smile on your face as each Fact Card comes up and marvel at all the invention in the death scenes.

And just when you think it can't get any gorier, the final scene tops it all - HEROINE 2 (the first one was a surprise death) has run out of bullets, so, with the handle of the gun, she pummels the monster until all it's teeth are out and then sticks her hand down it's goddamn throat and pulls out its innards.....Holy Shit!

This is how gory horror films should be made - tongue firmly in cheek, with two fingers raised at quasi-serious shit like "Mirrors" and a big grinning salute to gore-classics like "Re:animator" and "Braindead"....

It's just a shame that it set up what is probably a substandard sequel....but, as it is, it's just a great addition to the genre.